Half of My Heart

July 9, 2010, my life completely changed. When I came to Chicago, I felt like I had only a half of me heart with me and the other half was in my country, Mexico. At the age of seventeen, I started a new life in the Unites States, with a new language, new routine, and new people. In the past, my parents used to take care of me like if I was their treasure. Also, I used to eat daily fresh food that my mother made. I was very happy in my country and my heart was complete.

 What I miss the most is the way my parents used to take care of me. I remember once when I was on my way to school, suddenly, I heard a voice calling my name. It was my mother following me to tell me that I had left my lunch bag at home. She was worrying about whether I had something to eat. In addition, my father did a lot of things that made me feel important and loved. For example, I remember when I was very sick, my father came to my bed and decided to stay with me for the entire day in order to take care of me. What I cannot forget is what he told me while I was falling asleep. He whispered to me, " My daughter, I wish I could have your pain because it breaks my heart watching you like this. Now if I am sick, I have to take care of myself, go to the pharmacy and get my own medicine, sometimes my sister helps me, but for her is more important taking care of her son. Once, my nephew and I were sick at the same time, and my sister only cared about my nephew. That day I really needed my parents.

 In my country, every morning at seven in the morning my breakfast was ready, made it with fresh eggs collected from my backyard, fresh milk, and freshly squeezed orange juice. I always had vegetables with chicken or sometimes soup for dinner. My mother used to give me just healthy food, I remember in ten years I only had one hamburger that I didn't like by the way. Now my breakfast it is, one banana, and processed juice that taste like chemicals and concentrates even though the label says that is hundred percent organic, real, and fresh. I really miss the food from my country. Even though my sister buys only organic food, the taste cannot be compared with the real food. In my country, people grow their own vegetables, their own chickens, and their own cows. Here everyone buys everything in stores, in restaurants or food that is already made.

My new life really made me unhappy, especially because I have been with out my parents. I still remember my first day of senior high school as one of the hardest days of my life.  I felt like an intruder since I did not anyone. I felt lost as if I was in a maze. In addition, when someone asked me in English " how are you" I did not know how to respond. Now I can recall that day and burst into laughter. Up to now, I have been trying to get used to this culture, which is very different to the one I used to. 

 In conclusion, starting a new life was not easy for me especially because now I am very far from my parents. Also, I do not eat fresh food anymore and I am not happy, but at the end I know this is the best decision I have made because this is the best for me, for my future and for my parents. Everyday I feel more comfortable and I am sure that soon I am going to be with my parents and we will be together and happy as before and my heart will to be complete again.

Lsoing

Losing 

Losing

        Every Chinese person thinks the Chinese New Year is the most important festival. In China, there are many activities to celebrate it. The date of the Chinese New Year is different every year, but it is the date when the whole family and relatives come together. Of course, there is a week off for the holiday, so the people who live and work in the city will come to their hometown with their family too. However, celebrating the Chinese New Year in other countries is completely different. I have been in the United States for six years, but I still haven’t felt any happy or pleasant feeling about celebrated Chinese New Year. When I celebrated in the United States, we didn’t have time together because Chinese New Year is not a holiday. I also felt sad and lonely because there were not many wonderful activities to celebrate Chinese New Year. Each year I miss the feeling, red envelope, and fireworks that were an integral part of my Chinese holiday.

        Loneliness can be the word representing Chinese New Year for now. Every Chinese New Year was celebrated only by my grandmother and me. The way that we celebrated was very simple. We just went to the nearest restaurant, and had plentiful of delicious food. Usually, we bought more food to go. In this way, after my parents and my brother came home from work, they could enjoy their Chinese New Year tasty dinner too. However, by the time they came back home, my grandmother and I had already fallen asleep. I really hoped that United State could have a week holiday for Chinese New Year too, so we could stay together instead of going to school or work. The years when our family lived in China were so much better festive.  My mother, aunt, and grandmother would wake up earlier and start to prepare for the meal for the night. My brother and I would stroll at the fair. We would always buy many toys, and at nightfall, my brother and I would come home. Also, all of my aunts and uncles’ families would come too, and we would have a huge dinner. The dishes filled in a three feet round table. Usually, this dinner would start at seven and last until nine. Two hours was still not enough to finish all the dishes. People call this dinner ‘Chinese New Year family reunion dinner’. Those memories was very carefree and cheerful, but they are missing from my Chicago life.

        Another thing I miss is getting the red envelope which is a tradition in China. The red envelope is the way for older generations to bless their children. Usually, there is some money inside the envelope. In the United States, I have only received three red envelopes from my parents and grandmother so far. That means I have less blessing and money. I don’t have any relatives in the United States, so I couldn’t visit them or get the red envelope from them. When I was in China, We would visit my relative every Chinese New Year. That was a chance for my parents to stay with my uncle or aunt. Ordinarily, they would not meet each other because of work.  I received about twenty red envelopes every Chinese New Year. I usually ended up buying toys at the fair with the money. When my parents met with my uncles or aunts, they would drop a tear. I felt helpless about them. I knew they really cared and missed each other, since we are in the different countries now. There is no way for them to meet.

        Every time I see fireworks in chicago, it reminds me of Chinese New Year. Also every July 4^th makes me remember Chinese New Year in China. My family usually bought a lot of fireworks a week before Chinese New Year came. When the first day of Chinese New Year came, everybody would wake up a lot earlier because the fireworks were ear-splitting. I remember one of the fireworks that was the most impressive. I held the bottom of the firework, and when it burnt, there were many sparks flies out. It was very beautiful. The spark was like a floating flower in the air. However, in the United States, we are not allowed to set off fireworks in Chinese New Year.

        Many of the cultural and traditions get lost in immigration. Celebrating Chinese New Year in the United States is very different from what I used to do in China, and many important parts for celebrating Chinese New Year are gone. The feelings, red envelope, and firework have failed to reach this country. Those memories of celebrating Chinese New Year in China are only buried inside deep inside my heart. Maybe, I should follow the culture in United States or maybe one day I should return to China, so that I can celebrate the tradition of Chinese New Year again.

STRUGGLING ON MY EDUCTION ROAD

Hui li 

                                  Struggling On My Education Road

    

     I grew up in China before coming to the United States. I have been in the United States for a few years, but I still find it difficult to adapt to the US life in many different ways. There are too many differences between these two countries; for example, they have different life styles, eating habits, traditions, population, and also education systems. I have experienced these two different education systems in each of these two countries, and I’m currently under the American education system. There are a lot of differences between these two systems. At times, I feel confused that I don’t need to do much homework, but it is hard to get a good grade for each course. I made many close friends when I went to school in China, but I find it hard to make close friends like those in China. Therefore, I miss those days studying in China, I don’t need to worry about which courses to take, I can get a good score by working hard on my home work, and I made many close friend from school there.

     One of the major differences is the class assignment. In China, students are randomly assigned to different classes. A class with the same students will last until they graduate from each school phase, which include elementary school, junior high school and high school. In the US, students can choose different courses instructed by different teachers, so students who choose the same course instructed by the same teacher will stay in the same class for one semester. In this way, after each semester, class will change due to different choices from different students. I miss the way that students can stay in the same class for a long time. I can get familiar with both teachers and classmates. I don’t need to spend more time to adapt to a new environment, and don’t need to worry about which courses to choose.

     The second difference is assigning homework. When I was in China, our teacher always gave us a lot of mandatory homework everyday, and homework were usually due the next day. We had to work really hard to finish homework. But in the US, teachers usually give us some reading assignments, and not much homework, which is usually due in a few days. The U.S. style of assigning homework always makes me confused, I don’t have much homework to do, and I usually have a lot of time to finish that little homework. I don’t know what to do after homework, and I could not make full use of my spare time. I still miss the way when I was in China. I can easily study hard to get good grade, and I can always make full use of my time to study.

     The third difference is friendship. In China, students would maintain the same class for the whole phase, so I had a long time to get to know my friends in the same class. We also formed really close friendship. In the US, our class changes all the time, and it is hard to form a firm friendship. Most of the time, students meet each other everyday, but they are not friends. All my closest friends are made from that time when we were at the same class in China. I miss those close friends in China, and I like the way we make friends with a long relationship.                     

     Even thought there are many differences in education systems between China and US, which many new immigrants like me find it hard to get used to, I am still making my best efforts to study. I like to study by myself, and doing homework more. I also would like to make friends from my class, to help each other. It doesn’t matter which education system we are in. I believe as long as I work had, I can still get the best benefits from school.

My Birthday in Chicago

                                                      My Birthday in Chicago

         I realized that there must be different kinds of celebrations in the world, like weddings, new years, Christmas, religious celebrations, graduations, and Independence Day of countries, so I have been thinking about how many people like celebrations. Some people would prefer avoiding a celebration to acknowledging it. In spite of all the celebrations, I had no special interest for them but my birthday. I treasure my birthday. The change of the way I celebrate my birthday by moving from Turkey to Chicago has made my birthday feel less special for me based on not having true friends, atmosphere, and meaningful gifts.

       The first struggle I encountered was celebrating my birthday without my Turkish friends. Even though I had friends in the US, I was not able to console myself because my foreign friends and I had absolutely different values, thoughts, and understanding of friendship. For example, on my 21st birthday in Chicago, I could not have a chance to celebrate it due to the extreme snow. Therefore, I texted my all foreign friends to make a plan to celebrate my birthday after three or five days later. On the day, when we planned to celebrate my birthday, most of my friends just gave me an excuse and forced me to cancel the celebration because of the cold weather. They were so rude to me according to my thoughts, and I always believe that nothing can be an excuse for someone who has valuable place in someone’s heart. Timidly, I told my foreign friends that there are ''cub,'' ''subway'' or '' uber '' which help people for transportation. After they heard my angry and upset voice, a few of them decided to come and celebrate my birthday. Unlike my friends in Chicago, my Turkish friends never caused me to feel these kinds of feelings, which is really heartbreaking. They are closer to me than my foreign friends. I remember, when I was a fourteen-year- old girl, I went to a club to celebrate my birthday with my Turkish friends. After a few hours, our celebration ended badly because the security of the club figured out that we legally were not allowed to be in there. We were almost arrested, but none of my friends blamed to me or left me behind. Consequently, in Chicago, on my birthday, I ironically, felt lonely even though I was surrounded by people.

      Chicago’s atmosphere of January has had same features in Turkey except the lights and the snow. Apparently, In Chicago in January I would not able to mesmerize the city which seemed wearing lights as a dress and display the beauty of night.  In particular when I was far away from downtown, I had no chance to see the light around me. Specially, the ambiance of the streets like desolate place where no one wants the walk. Lack of light in 29^th of January caused me to miss my usual birthday place in Turkey, which is located in 13th floor of my favorite restaurant and absolutely offers the view of bridge covered by snow and whole city’s lights. Moreover, the lights were not an only thing. I had to overcome extreme snow too. The snow in Chicago had unexpectedly affect in my life more than I thought. It caused me to be stuck at home on my 21st birthday night. Lights and snow were a part of my birthday atmosphere, but on 21st of my birthday it snowed like a Benedict Arnold.  It could not even let me buy a birthday cake, and my feelings were dramatically defenseless and helpless because piles of snow that blocked my doorway and the freezing cold air were out of my control. That's the reason why I thought, I should have celebrated my 21st birthday under my country's sky.                                               

         Furthermore, the amount of birthday gifts have decreased by worth, at least in my eyes, from my foreign friends. Receiving a gift from them feels like losing money on the stock exchange. I have never estimated what might be inside a gift from my new friends. They probably have their own likes and ideas of thoughtfulness. Because they do not know me very well, I thought their gifts do not seem unacceptable. However, I received denture as a gift from one of my foreign friend. First I was puzzled, but then I just tried to understand the reason of this gift until I figured out that, in fact, he has not carried any moral value, and the gift which I received him was just for fun. In Turkey, I used to receive gold, clothes, travel tickets, electronic machines (phones, tablets, and headphones), music box, books and pets as gifts. Thankfully, I have received unforgettable gifts in Chicago too, but if one of my foreign friends had given me my mother's hug as a gift, I would be grateful.

     All in all, my birthday is always special for me. Even though I cannot not celebrate it in the same way as I used to do with my Turkish friends, atmosphere, and meaningful gifts, I have to get used to changes. That does not mean I will assimilate and forget my previous values. I will just show tolerance to my new life. It is difficult to let the things go like birthday celebrations. One day I may bravely accept my new birthday celebration in Chicago, but I won’t bury my Turkish one. I will not forget to keep both part of me alive.